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Publisher notes
It’s an exciting time of the year, for some children
are returning to school and for others they are starting a new
“school” year living and learning at home together! For me I have
lots of fun things coming up; I am returning to the Rethinking
Education Conference as a speaker and group facilitator next week,
and I have also started FREE monthly tele-workshops on the last day
of every month. This month’s topic should be of interest to anyone
who has a family (all of us, right?) it is entitled; Pieces of the
Puzzle ~ During this tele-workshop we will explore together the
beautifully complex puzzle that is our family. Each person in our
family comes into this life time with his or hers own personality,
temperament and learning style, and together these things create an
individual. Let's talk about how we can put our puzzle together
without cramming the pieces into a space they do not fit! It is all
about embracing individuality, so the question becomes how do we
live peacefully with so many differences. Each person is a beautiful
piece of our family's puzzle, and together we will figure out how to
get connected and stay connected. Please e-mail me at
Tracy@transformingfamily.com with the subject line tele-workshop
and I will send you the phone number to call on August 31, 2008 at
7PM EST to join this interactive and informative tele-workshop. It
is an easy and fun way to get information while being in the comfort
of your own home! There is even a mute feature so that your busy
family can go about their business without interrupting the call, so
I hope to “see” you there! When you e-mail me I will answer any
questions you may have about how the call works…trust me it’s
easy…give it a try!
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What people are saying
*These are exerts from e-mails I have received from
clients in the last few months*
You rock and have helped so much…
And personally, I did have some epiphanies, I know you thought is
was an epiphany-free night…it’s amazing what comes out when you’re
“officially” talking and listening that never gets said or heard
otherwise.
We both trust you and have a lot of faith in your abilities to be
fair and find solutions.
Just wanted to let you know that I am agreeing with what you are
saying and it rings so true to me (I actually find myself nodding as
I read your e-mails). I've read so much about this way of parenting
and I feel like okay, yeah, I get it, but what do I do now? You have
helped me put the information into actions.
Thanks for your positive, hopeful, truthful thoughts!
Go to
www.transformingfamily.com to learn more about coaching with
Tracy.
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Pieces of the Puzzle
By Tracy Liebmann
Many I remember very clearly
sitting on the beach with my new husband and talking about what our
kids would be like, what we would do together as a family and how
fun the whole adventure would be. Yes, it certainly has been an
adventure and yes, we certainly have had a blast as a family, yet it
never quite looked just like I envisioned it that day while talking
with my husband! Their were dreams of long hikes with children in
backpacks or walking along side, mountain bike rides with kids in
tow behind or as the child got older riding along, camping, and my
husband would teach them how to windsurf and surf…oh yes we had the
perfect adventurous family all planned out! Guess what with our
first some of those things happened, yet she was not one who liked
to be put into contraptions, she usually whaled when we tried to put
her in a stroller, so you can imagine that all the towing behind was
NOT going to work for her. She was very adventurous and we did do
many things together, yet we learned quickly that she had her own
voice and we were the kinds of parents that were going to listen!
Looking back on that now I am grateful she had that very strong
voice, it helped us realize very early on that she was her own
person and needed to be valued as such. We wanted to keep her voice
intact; we wanted her to be her own person not a clone of us!
Before having kids I thought my love and dedication to them would
produce totally compatible children with me in almost every way. At
that time people seemed to think children’s personality was shaped
and molded by the parents, instead of what I now know is true, their
personality develops from within themselves. Culture and family life
do play important roles in the overall picture; I have learned that
children have an inborn tendency to be introverted or extroverted,
sensitive or insensitive, adventurous or timid, passive or
aggressive. Kids also seem to be born with being neat or
disorganized, it doesn’t seem to matter how we train them. Oh and by
the way I don’t believe in training our kids…they aren’t pets!
We must be very careful in using these labels with our kids. We need
to use these labels to help understand and nurture our kids, not to
pigeon hole them into a category. We can use these labels to help us
help our sensitive child know how to understand and accept how they
feel in the world, our aggressive child how to have fun and get
their needs for power met. By understanding our children’s unique
personality and temperament we can learn how to:
*Understand children that our different from us
*Appreciate that no type is better or worse than another
*Help our children attain a greater sense of confidence and well
being by helping them to see their assists and draw on them
*We can also support each other when another parent feels a sense of
failure when their child doesn’t behave according to our cultural
norm
Even though children have a certain predisposition, they are
constantly changing and growing, which means they will “try on” new
ways of behaving to see what is the best fit for them. It’s
important that we allow them to do so, while they are trying out
something new we may feel uncomfortable with the new behavior, yet
we need to trust that they are working something out and give them
the time and space to do so! We need to trust in the process and not
try to get our kids to conform to our needs, so that we may feel
better. When we are feeling uncomfortable it is not a sign that we
need to work with our kids, it is a sign we need to work with
ourselves! I am a big believer in not trying to change our kids to
fit our needs, but instead looking within to see where the
uncomfortable feelings are coming from. If you would like to explore
these topics more please join us on August 31, 2008 at 7 PM EST for
the tele-workshop OR schedule a FREE sample session at
http://www.transformingfamily.com
Recommended Reading: The Enneagram of Parenting by Elizabeth Wagele.
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