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Archive for the ‘
Family Advice ’ Category
Tuesday, February 16th, 2010
Most of us know and love the wonderful MythBusters series on Discovery Channel; well today I want to Bust some of the most common myths that surround family life and personal development! We often have long lasting thoughts about life that just are not *really* true! In the article I will do my part to help you Bust those personal myths that hold you back from having Your Best Life! So let’s get started MythBustin’!
Myth’s about Happiness:
Myth #1 – I’ll be happy when I lose 20 (30,40,50) pounds.
How many of us have thoughts this, just to go ahead and torture ourselves by not eating the foods we love, lose the weight and be happy for just a little while. Yet after we get used to being our new slimmer selves, we realize nothing has *really* changed and we seem to have all the challenges we always had…including worrying about our weight! So in reality losing weight did not actually bring us the happiness we were looking for!
BUSTED!
Myth #2 – I’ll be happy after my house gets cleaned up.
So you’ve had it! You’re sick and tired of the mess and you get cracking…and you clean your house! Ahhhh…what a great feeling a clean house is…for sure! Yet did it really bring happiness? Well yes, it does bring happiness for a short while. Possibly even shorter than the weight lose brought due to your hubby and 3 kids messing the whole place up…lol! You realize it does feel better to have a clean house and it does add to your happiness factor, yet it is not a lasting happiness.
PLAUSABLE!
Myth #3 – I’ll be happy when I move to a different area/state or into a larger house.
Oh boy, this is one I used to believe 10 to 15 years ago…guess what I found out? Where ever I went…there I was! Meaning, happiness is an inside job! We can truly be happy for the inside out…not from the outside in. For me I had a lot of self awareness, self acceptance, personal development action I needed to take…before I could truly be happy regardless of my weight, mess, town or house I was in
BUSTED!
Myth’s about Parenting:
Myth #4 – Kids are going to be “bad” and misbehave if I/we don’t “teach” them how to behave!
Kids are not inherently bad…just the opposite is true! They are inherently GOOD! Yes, of course we have more experience in life that we can share with our kids to help guide them. Yet truly the best thing we can do for our kids is BE there for them, be there to help them, be there to guide them when they need us. The best way to teach out kids how to be and act responsible, respectful, kind, and loving is to model that behavior. Treat your children kindly, loving, respectful & responsibly; they will “learn” that is the way to act toward others.
BUSTED!
Myth #5 I was spanked and disciplined as a child and I didn’t turn out so bad.
Well, I’m sure if you are reading this Transforming Family E-Zine you are probably right…you did not turn out so bad…lol! Yet, if you look deeply, was your relationship with your parents damaged by being harshly disciplined by them. Do you find yourself harshly disciplining your children; then feeling badly wishing you had better parenting skills?
PLAUSIBLE? NO… BUSTED!
Myths about Marriage & Family:
Myth #5 – Happily Ever After. Things should be easier than this.
The truth about relationships is there is a certain amount of “work” that goes into them. So the idea that we fall in love with our husband or babies and everything is “happily ever after…is just hoo-haa! Yep…that’s what I just said HOO-HAA! What a real happy marriage/family looks like is a group of people coming together in a common goal. Willingness to look at one another as being perfect humans in the mist of all our challenges. Being willing to do whatever personal development is necessary to be the best Mom, Dad or kids you can be. Are you willing to do what ever it takes to have the family of your dreams??
BUSTED!
Many of the myths I have talked about come up in one way or another while working with my coaching clients, if you are someone who could relate to one or more of these myths and are ready to change your thinking from BUSTED to CONFIRMED, you are ready to join one of my coaching programs!
>>>Click here to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Session<<<
Act now because I only have 2 spaces left for coaching clients before I go onto a waiting list!
Posted in
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Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
Have you ever noticed that people will spend money to make money? Thousands…probably millions are spent on get rich quick schemes everyday! Yet, very rarely do people make millions. Why do you think people are often unwilling to spend money on what everyone says is the most important thing in their lives…their family? Now…just go with me here…what would a get rich quick scheme look like for you when it comes to your family life?
Picture this…your husband (or wife) calls you midday and asks you out on a romantic date that night. He has planned everything, right down to the trusted babysitter. Is that hitting the jackpot as far as family life goes?? Or maybe it’s more like this for you…you have a wonderful family dinner together that everyone pitched in to make. You laugh and tell stories about your day while making dinner with your kids. Everyone happily sits down together for dinner and afterwards everyone is willing to clean up without a fuss. Next the kids take off to do homework or watch TV and you and your spouse enjoy a quiet evening without any big disturbances. OK is that making a million in family life??
You see where I am going with all this…you really can have the million dollar family! Yet just like making millions…it’s gonna take some “work”. It may even cost some $$. Is your family worth it? Are you willing to do what it takes? I know for a fact your million dollar family is right there in front of you…waiting to break the bank open so to speak! How do I know this? It is my experience! I have experienced living a poor family life first hand and I know what it takes to make it a Million!
I took my over-tired, angry, frustrated, feeling unloved and unappreciated Self from rags to riches! No, I do not literally mean monetarily. I am talking about spiritually! I am talking about being willing to do what it takes to turn things around, to have the motivation to Transform My Family. I had it 10 years ago and I have it today…the motivation that is! Are there things in your life that you know need to change? Do the same challenges come up day after day? If you answered, YES! Why not let me help you? What holds you back? The usual reasons are time and finances. I have answers for both…lol! Time is not a problem. I can schedule appointments in the evening, weekend or during nap time. I am a mother who understands interruptions. So if you’re a stay at home mom who thinks she can’t talk on the phone with me, I have worked with many moms that would tell you otherwise. When it comes to money…let me tell you…I am SO worth it! If you need proof, I have it! Just ask. Also, I offer the best Transformational Coaching Programs out there!
>>>Sign Up For Your Million Dollar Family Mastermind Session Now…it’s FREE<<<
Start Transforming Your Family into a million smiles and hugs today! Let’s start with you 
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Posted in
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Friday, December 11th, 2009
We have all had them, times when we were sick, sad, grieving, angry, anxious, stressed, in pain or truly depressed. How do we handle it all, let’s be real, let’s talk about it! Well, I think those two things I mentioned are crucial to surviving those really challenging times in our lives. Mothers are real people, they have real challenges, they are not super heroes and nor should they be! Accepting ourselves and all that we are including everything, the good, the bad and even the ugly is the key to emotional wellness. Actually I’m not a believer in “the ugly”, I have worked really hard at trying not to label my emotions as “good and Bad” I think all the emotions are wonderful. This is a very helpful tool when working through a challenging time in our lives. Accepting the emotions as they come up and not labeling them. This is a perfect example of how working with ourselves and our emotions will in turn help in every area of our lives. We will be able to accept our children’s emotional ups and downs better, if we accept and understand our own! I am a true believer in an emotionally healthy mom is the best mom she can be and that seems to be what I hear the most…mom’s want to be at their best for their kids!
As I said earlier, talking about it is also an important tool during difficult times. I know it is not always easy to talk about the most challenging stuff in our lives and for some personalities it is even harder…but everyone has at least one person they can be totally honest with. Call that trusted person, meet them for lunch or at the park, get together and share your true self. Honestly I’ve been there, done that and survived. Often people worry if they take the cork off the bottle and let it all out, they will fall apart, they won’t be able to pull it back together. I have never seen this to be true. It always helps to let the steam out of that simmering pot, share, be validated and move forward!
During Challenging Times…
- Go within and locate what is truly bothering you
- Accept what ever emotion or thought that comes forward
- Confide in that trusted person or group of people
- See or talk to a trusted professional
- Be honest with yourself and your family about what is going on with you
- Yes, this includes our children. Being honest with our children models acceptance of self, models that no one is “perfect”, models that emotions are healthy and good, models good self care…what great “lessons”
- Take it easy, don’t force yourself to “pull yourself up by your boot straps”
- LOVE YOURSELF, YOU ARE LOVABLE!
If you or anyone you know is going through a challenging time right now and would like some extra support, remember that I offer one FREE coaching session sign up NOW by clicking on link!
Posted in
Adult Children, Family Advice |
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Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
FEAR = F- false E- evidence A- appearing R- real
All of us have issues with fear; some people are more prone to worry and fear than others. Yet today I hope to help break down the fear that may be plaguing your life with a fairly simple (yet not easy) process!
Whenever we are motivated by f-e-a-r, we need to stop and really examine it. Some people are very adapt at locating what is *really* going on with them during times of crisis…others need help to even identify what is really motivated the upset. Here are some emotional symptoms that will help you identify that the *real* problem is fear.
Symptoms of Fear:
Worry
Anxiety
Confusion
Dulling of senses
Panic
Terror
Dissociation
Process to move out of Fear:
- The first step in shifting a pattern/problem in our lives is identifying the root of the issue.
Example: let’s say the fear is about financial insecurity; when finding the root of the issue you can journal or meditate after asking yourself the question…”why am I SO scared that I won’t have enough money.”
Then write what comes up for you…more likely than not that IS the root!
- Next is true acceptance of the origin of the issue. Use a positive affirmation to replace the old thoughts of financial insecurity.
Example: “I realize this fear is not rational, I realize I have this fear because_____, I know that today I have enough $” Be sure that you write your own affirmation and that you can believe your affirmation…it’s your own it!
Notice any resistance and write about it…every little detail matters.
- Then I want you to watch what triggers the negative thoughts and feelings and always try to take the time to help yourself to feel better.
So this step is more about your feelings. Do you feel anxious, a tightening in your chest, angry? Are you able to nurture yourself enough to move to a better feeling?
- Forgiveness<<< yes I know blah,blah,blah…you will see I have a different take on forgiveness. I always want you to forgive yourself FIRST!
- Freedom…also known as letting go…more on this later.
This whole process is fairly simple, yet not easy. You can benefit greatly learning and walking through these steps with me as your coach. If you are suffering with fear now, please take advantage of the complimentary session by signing up in the form on the left sidebar of my website http://www.transformingfamily.com
*These deep rooted issues are often a apart of who we are…that’s OK in my book…we just need to learn how to work with them and ourselves so we are not hurt or held back in our lives! Often the process above is repeated over and over when we get triggered…yet it will go quicker and less painfully.*
Posted in
Adult Children, Dysfunctional Relationships, Family Advice |
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Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
by Ingrid Elfver
Fall is officially here and, before you know it, you might find yourself challenged by family members that you don’t see or talk to very often. Well, NOW is the time to do something about it.
Family is one of the most important foundations that we have, but not all family members are the same. There are those that empower you and help you grow — those who believe in you, understand you, and help you reach the stars. And then there are those that hurt you, try to hold you back, and seem to want to see you fail.
Every family has its good side. But there is also a darker part of family dynamics that can be negative, limiting, and destructive. Some of those unproductive thoughts and patterns can be generations old. And those who are engaged in them often aren’t ready, willing, or able to admit or change their bad behavior.
Are you clear about which family members are helping you and which ones are holding you and your business back? Do you believe in your dreams enough to begin setting better boundaries? Do you know that you have to surround yourself with kindness, support, and love — if you’re going to live your full potential?
If you’re going to share your gift with the world, make a difference, and enjoy your life, you have to step away from people who are negative, destructive, or disempowering — and you have to let some people go completely. If you want to be fully empowered in what you think and do, you have to make a conscious break from the people in your life who are holding you back (no matter who they are).
Imagine yourself involved in only healthy and empowering relationships. You’re surrounded by people with the same goals and desires as you. They are supportive of your business, and they are supportive of who you are. You don’t have to explain why you’re an entrepreneur, why you have big dreams, or why you work as hard as you do.
You deserve to be surrounded and supported by a peaceful and loving family (and friends). You deserve to keep pursuing your dreams. You deserve to live the successful and harmonious life that you know you were born to live. You deserve to be the incredible YOU that you were born to be.
Elfver is the world’s leading mindset expert helping women (and highly evolved men) build their business and brand. For more than 20 years she’s been helping people in all industries build wealth and happiness – from the inside out.
Originally from Sweden, Ingrid now lives in the United States where she works with an elite group of mentoring clients around the world by phone. Although Ingrid is known for her Seven Secrets of Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs, she is most known as an expert on what she calls “The most important asset held by every woman in business – her mindset.”
Ingrid’s syndicated weekly column The Woman Entrepreneur, mentoring program, and online My Muse Membership help women in business expand their vision of what’s possible for them; see the gap between where they are and where they want to be; develop a winning mindset; and take massive positive action.
Website: www.MyMuse.info
Posted in
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Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
Consensual Living Chat with Pam G, Tracy & Parenting Group
Posted in
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Thursday, September 17th, 2009
How do we go about manifesting our family’s dreams? The process will look different for every family since we are all autonomous beings, so the ideas I talk about in this article are not directives, I just enjoy sharing what goes on inside my head. I have found that it can be challenging to use words to describe a spiritual concept, a concept that evolves through spirit, yet I continue to try.
My vision for my family started out inside of me, my spirit was my guiding light. My spirit told me that I wanted a loving, harmonious, consensual home; I wanted everyone to hold their own power. As a child I felt very powerless and am still working on owning my power. I didn’t want to do that to my family. It has been a journey and along the way I have learned a few things I would like to share. The most important thing I learned was not to focus on what I don’t want, but to focus on what I did want. For me, I started out knowing what I didn’t want and for a while did make the mistake of focusing on that and it didn’t feel very good. I recognized that this wasn’t working, I looked for a new way and the universe delivered the knowledge I needed to move forward. I read and was told to tap into how it would feel to have this family I envisioned. I am a feeling being, so that really helped me. I remember lying in my bath tub closing my eyes and actually feeling how wonderful it would be and from that point forward it came fairly natural to focus on that good intention, instead of my old tapes. Sounds easy enough…and for some it really is easy, for others including myself there was still more to do.
The Zen philosophy really resonates with me, it is based in practicality, the idea that the spiritual is in the mundane. So in my everyday life I had to practice seeing the spiritual goodness in everything. That is not to say bad thing don’t happen or that some days people don’t just feel sad, angry or whatever. For me acceptance is the key to all my feelings and working through them. We often hear the statement “choose joy” and that can be a bit challenging when something awful is going on; an illness, tragedy, disagreement with someone or even something dreaded by a lot of people as simple as the dentist <g>. How do we choose joy then you might ask. Again, acceptance of what going on is the starting point for me. Reminding myself that all of life is available to us for a reason, we might not understand the reason, but I try to accept everything as just being “OK”. When I can accept what’s going on I am choosing joy, even if it doesn’t fell great. It’s accepting the yin and the yang of life. It is embracing what is…reality.
Just this morning I received a daily email from the Abraham-Hicks website that suggested looking at life as a buffet. I will paraphrase; to choose your thoughts, just like you choose your food at the buffet. You put what you like onto your plate and you can choose what you want in your life. Yet, what about the challenging stuff life brings us, like I mentioned above…that can be a sticking point for many of us. If I manifested the good stuff, then do I manifest the bad stuff too? This kind of thinking can bring on new age guilt, which in my opinion is undesirable. I bring this up to clarify my point about acceptance. When we accept life, focus on what we want, be true to ourselves, follow our hearts and believe we can have everything we desire for ourselves and our families we will manifest our vision! May the force be with you 
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Friday, September 11th, 2009
This Article is in response to this readers comment/question after reading my post called Parenting Curriculum. Thanks for the great question!
Tracy, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts about dealing with external pressure to conform to outside imposed criteria, for instance in interactions with parents and others (i.e. neighbors) who may be feeling threatened by our lack of parenting curriculum.
I will start with this awesome quote from JFK…
Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. -John F. Kennedy
First of all, I congratulate anyone strong enough to go against the grain of society and follow their personal beliefs! I also know from experience that it is not always easy and you/we will come up against lots of resistance to our ideas. I’m not talking about doing anything against the law here; I’m talking about our rights as humans to dare to think for ourselves. Dare to not send your kids to school or parent without arbitrary consequences or punishments. These things do threaten some people like the reader above spoke about.
I will also turn your attention back to self…imagine that! Turn your attention back to everything is a choice, you can choose to feel uncomfortable or defensive or you can choose to live in the Joy of your choices !
How do you deal with interactions with others that do things differently than you? Possibly even totally disagreeing with what you are doing…very carefully and with grace! Start with self acceptance! We are all different individuals; we have different needs, personalities, and backgrounds. We bring our own gifts and baggage along for the ride. Yet, if we are truly accepting of self and the choices we are making, things usually have less charge. Less charge means we just accept ourselves and others for who they are and the choices we/they make without judgment!
Acceptance is an interesting thing, we usually have to start with self and then it flows out toward everyone else. That being said, people who are judging or acting as though they are the all knowing are really just reflecting their own judgment of self. Of course, usually unaware of their own lack of self acceptance. The same is true with judgment; if we judge another we are truly judging ourselves! I know I’m being a little tudy-fruity…airy-fairy here, yet if you take a moment and breathe deeply and soak it in, it really will help you to not focus on what others are thinking of you!
You are not alone; I have heard this from many people and have experienced it myself! Again what I found brought the most peace for me and my family was keeping my eye on the prize…which in this case is my belief system and living in JOY with my family! Not taking their comments personally is also VERY helpful! *TrusT* yourself first and foremost, you are the expert about your family!!
*REMEMBER*
Self Acceptance, Self Acceptance, Self Acceptance, Self Acceptance!!!!!!!
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Monday, September 7th, 2009
A curriculum relies on specific goals and objectives that should be achieved within a certain timeline. When it comes to parenting I find the results of this stilted and mundane. Our children are not products; they are autonomous beings who need to be in connection with their parents. When I threw out the curriculum and simply created a safe place for collaboration, wonderful changes occurred within my family. Having expectations for a child to achieve certain goals and objective by a certain time is just setting them (and us) up for failure. I needed a way to reframe the curriculum that I had started out with and this is the best way I can put it into words.
I started to look at it like a musician entering a jam session. I am one person who has learned how to play my instrument who is in collaboration with the other people in my family all bringing their gifts and talents to our jam session. Together we share ideas on how we want our song to sound and then we just start playing. What flows in that moment is what matters, not the preconceived notions about what we thought the song should sound like. The art of this jam session is that we meet on common ground, which is the wellbeing of the family, then we improvise and see what we can come up with. The tune often sounds nothing like the original preconceived idea…that is the art of living without a curriculum.
I use the word art purposefully, no two families are exactly alike, just like a painting or sculpture. In a family jam session standard activities like meal time, watching TV, personal hygiene or deciding what to do that day, provide the setting for this type of improve. The skills and knowledge we have at our fingertips are not employed according to plan, we are not the boss or even the lead player, and we (parents) let things unfold naturally using our “expertise” only when we are asked. We are like the drummer who supports the other artists and keeps the rhythm going. The magic happens during the interactions, in the space between the participants, no one member can take the credit.
Parenting without a curriculum means looking at life with our family as a philosophy of experiential learning, one that downplays the intellectual tendency to predict and control. Integrating spiritual principles like “leads by following”, “finding perfection in things as they are and not as we think they should be”, these are principles a conscious parent will live by. It is an experience NOT a script or a bundle of dogma! The idea is to live moment by moment, being true to you.
Posted in
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Friday, September 4th, 2009
Often as we grow into our adult selves, we feel confused. What is all the confusion about? Usually it is because through the years we have lost track of our True Selves. We are confused because our False Self has kind of taken over and we are not sure what we think, feel or believe anymore. The most common reason for this is our conditioning. Through the years we have been conditioned to take on everyone else’s truths…instead of our own. Why would we do that? It is very natural…starting out as babies we see that what we do create a reaction in others. We cry, they come pick up…or not. Right there is the beginning of our conditioning. We cry, they happily come and love us = we are worth paying attention to, our needs matter. We cry, they come pick us up with a unhappy or stern face and hold us uncomfortably = they are angry, we should not cry, what we feel or want does not matter. We cry and they don’t come or worse come in angry = we better not make a sound; they don’t like it when I cry or it is unsafe to make noise…better stay quiet. That all happens within less than a year of life!
Next we are in our “terrible twos” and just about everything we do drives our caregivers crazy! Then maybe as a survival mechanism, we start to figure out it might be best to become invisible. So now we may have learned by the age of 3 or 4 that we best be quiet and stay invisible the people around us are not very happy! And so it goes on into school, not to much of a different story for many of us.
See what happens is we see ourselves reflected back like a mirror by the people who are in charge of our care as children. We believe that reflection regardless of if it is a good, clear or even valid! As children we believe what the adults are reflecting back at us…adopt it as who we must be whether that’s true or not, then take that same message of who we are into adulthood. So now you may be able to see where the confusion comes in. All these messages from people who may or may not have dysfunctional patterns which would not be a clear and accurate reflection of who you really are!
When this happens we go into adulthood with a clouded vision of who we are. We wonder why we don’t feel happy, satisfied with our work, we over eat or drink to escape these uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes we continue our patterns by getting involved with unhealthy dysfunctional relationships! Often we need help to get back to our True Selves, our True Nature of who we are. That’s OK…people who are willing to do the exploration of self and are successful implementing change usually end up very happy people!
If any of this feels true to you please accept my gift of one *free* session, I would love to talk one on one with you! You can fill in the form to the left or just give me a call 843-343-8956! I will be writing more on the solutions to uncovering your True Self very soon…please keep checking back! Also I would love to hear your comments below!
~Tracy
AKA…The Best Self Coach
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