The Buddhist concept of mindfulness can be very helpful to parents. It can help us see our children as whole and beautiful in each moment. Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness of our children.  If we practice mindful parenting we will refine our capacity to pay attention, with intention to the present moment. We will become more in touch with our lives as they are unfolding.

Mindful parenting has the potential to help us see past the appearances of typical behaviors and allows us to see our children, as they truly are, beautiful and whole. If we stay in the present moment and practice mindfulness we can act with some degree of wisdom and compassion. When things are difficult and we stop and center ourselves in the truth, that our children are right where the are supposed to be, the more our ability to be mindful deepens.

The hardest part of shifting the paradigm is being aware of those old patterns that so often rule our behavior. The patterns that we want to change were probably passed down to us from our families and have nothing to do with what’s really happening today. Consequences of unconscious parenting can reverberate through the lives of our children and further our grandchildren.

I look at parenting as a spiritual practice. It’s a wonderful gift to stop and ask myself; what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What is my child feeling and what’s it like from his or her point of view? The real work of any spiritual practice is to come to a deep understanding about what it means to be human. Where else can we learn more about being human, than by looking at our children with these new pair of glasses? We have our own little Zen masters living right under our roof. The door to enlightenment is right in front of you…I hope you’ll walk through.

I believe the simple principles of family harmony are three fold, when you look at your family you must look at three key elements, body, mind, and spirit. A healthy family is like a healthy body, the system works together, almost effortlessly. The brain is functioning, the heart pumps, the lungs breathe and the body moves. In our families if every persons needs are being meet the family will be functioning well and in harmony with one another. It is important to check in with the three key elements to help the family work well together. What are the needs for the body, mind and spirit of each family member? Every human being is made up differently and everyone has different needs for food, sleep, quiet time, exercise, social interaction, spirituality and many other components that you will need to look at specifically for your family. I think one sure way of disrupting family harmony is when the adults in the family are deciding what everyone’s needs are around what they need. I believe this is a common problem in today’s culture, not taking children’s needs as seriously as our own.

The official definition for harmony in the Webster’s dictionary has to do with musical sounds which do not clash or has an agreeable effect. My interpretation of this in regards to our families is very similar; it is a just rightness in our families, it is a sense of inner peace that is flowing through all of us. We do not clash and we have an agreeable effect, of course this is true most of the time not all of the time, this is real life not the Hollywood version! Feeling a since of disharmony often comes up in my coaching practice and the places families tend to get out of balance tend to be around getting out of the house, food and bed time. Why do you think that is? Well, in my experience it is often due to expectations, like being on time or kids should be in bed by 9 PM, or unreasonable demands like eat all your vegetables or a 4 year old take a bath, brush his teeth and get into PJ’s without assistance.

If you are feeling like you want more harmony in your home chose one thing to work on at a time. Just be the “watcher” of what is going on that causes the disharmony. Try not to judge or fix the situation just watch, listen and learn from what is going on. Go back to the simple formula of looking for what each person needs to be feeling content and happy in his/her body, mind, and spirit. If getting out the door to go somewhere always ends in some type of drama; whose needs are not being met? Did little Johnny have all the time he needed to transition from what he was doing before you announced “lets go, we are late” or was Sara able to finish her level on her video game and save before you rushed her out the door? These things are very important to our kids, getting there on time is important to us! So we need to look for ways to get things ready and in the car in plenty of time and give the children as much time as they need to be prepared to leave. That will look different for every family, and once you figure out what everyone needs to accomplish the goal things will run smoother and everyone will be more agreeable. This is just one example of the daily situations that families are sometimes challenged by, I hope this brief description of family harmony has been helpful to you.

Please feel free to sign up for a Complimentary Session now if you would like to talk more about a specific situation in your family that you would like to bring more harmony to…I look forward to hearing from you!

tracy@transformingfamily.com