I was asked this question on Skype by one of my European clients…”How do you stay your best self while handling siblings that are at each other” we of course went on talking about the details of the situation which she was referring. I will share them here in a general way to help create a scenario and a solution. I know many will relate to this story.

It was a busy day…Mom had an appointment in the morning and the family met up in the afternoon for another appointment. This beautiful family has 3 young children, so already they have done a lot…yet they also needed to stop at the store for some chicken for dinner. While at the store the middle child spotted a beautiful little potted plant and wanted it, so they bought the plant and groceries and started home. Everyone was happy and heading home, little girl holding her beautiful new plant the whole way…proud and happy!

Once inside the safety of home things turned for the worse…they live where it is cold and snowy, so once inside they all need to take of the layers of outside clothing. While doing so the oldest child got a hold of the plant from the middle child and tossed it on the floor.

His sister understandable upset was crying and saying she did not like her big brother. Mom and Dad still undressing themselves and baby, also needing to put groceries away did their best to handle the situation. It was not easy. The two children were both upset and the eldest not wanting to take off his muddy boots and wet pants…Mom was starting to feel very frustrated and upset herself (totally understandable…right!?) She continues to do what she knew to do…breathe and try to stay calm.

After a bit it just was not working anymore and she shifted into another state of being…just wanting this to be over and wanting her son to take off his shoes and wet clothing; she stopped trying to work with him and basically over powered him to get the job done…so to speak. Then the son was upset about her not listening to him and so on and afterwards Mom felt terrible about the whole thing.

These things happen everyday…all over the world! Moms trying to be calm, patient, reasonable, respectful and loving with their children no matter what; then an extremely busy day and people being tired or hungry and things fall apart! So the very first thing I will remind you about is H A L T = Hunger, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired! When embarking out or even when at home…make sure these 4 basic needs are always addressed first. Be sure that everyone is feeling their best by insuring they are well rested, not holding on to anger/resentments, feeling loved and understood and feed well! This is very important for MOM to remember for herself!! We can not function well if we are hungry, angry, loney and/or tired. So we MUST take good care of our selves!!!!

So after checking in with Self and others about where they are with HALT, address those needs as quickly as possible! After that it gets much more introspective and personal. We are talking about us…Mother’s being our best during sibling challenges. We are not talking about how to make child behave differently! Things to do in the moment of the upset or if that’s not possible, go through these steps with yourself later after things have calmed down.

1. Locate your true feelings – you felt angry, frustrated, unappreciated…
2. See if the feelings were triggered from past or present
3. Watch for self judgment or worrying about others judging (if outside of house)
4. Concentrate on the relationship – not doing anything to harm relationship
5. If feeling triggered from negative past experience work with self before proceeding with child
6. Working with self can look like nurturing that triggered part of self ( possibly inner child) or harmed adult
7. Talk lovingly/reassuringly to that part of self

The most important thing is your relationship, if you can not be kind and calm you should walk away and breathe 3 deep breathes before returning to the situation; unless of course their is a safety concern!

These seven steps can be used with all challenging relationship issues! I will be doing a FREE tele-workshop on this topic and these steps on Wednesday evening March 24^th at 7 PM EST. On the call we will go more in depth about how to actually use these steps and clarify and questions people have…time allowing. Please join my Facebook Fan Page to stay up to date on all Free calls and Special Offers! Lot’s of new and exciting things coming up this spring/summer, designed to help you Transform You, Which Transforms Family!

As always…

Peace~Love~Free~

Tracy

Myth’s about Happiness:

Myth #1 – I’ll be happy when I lose 20 (30,40,50) pounds.

How many of us have thoughts this, just to go ahead and torture ourselves by not eating the foods we love, lose the weight and be happy for just a little while. Yet after we get used to being our new slimmer selves, we realize nothing has *really* changed and we seem to have all the challenges we always had…including worrying about our weight! So in reality losing weight did not actually bring us the happiness we were looking for!
BUSTED!
Myth #2 – I’ll be happy after my house gets cleaned up.

So you’ve had it! You’re sick and tired of the mess and you get cracking…and you clean your house! Ahhhh…what a great feeling a clean house is…for sure! Yet did it really bring happiness? Well yes, it does bring happiness for a short while. Possibly even shorter than the weight lose brought due to your hubby and 3 kids messing the whole place up…lol! You realize it does feel better to have a clean house and it does add to your happiness factor, yet it is not a lasting happiness.
PLAUSABLE!
Myth #3 – I’ll be happy when I move to a different area/state or into a larger house.

Oh boy, this is one I used to believe 10 to 15 years ago…guess what I found out? Where ever I went…there I was! Meaning, happiness is an inside job! We can truly be happy for the inside out…not from the outside in. For me I had a lot of self awareness, self acceptance, personal development action I needed to take…before I could truly be happy regardless of my weight, mess, town or house I was in 
BUSTED!

Myth’s about Parenting:

Myth #4 – Kids are going to be “bad” and misbehave if I/we don’t “teach” them how to behave!

Kids are not inherently bad…just the opposite is true! They are inherently GOOD! Yes, of course we have more experience in life that we can share with our kids to help guide them. Yet truly the best thing we can do for our kids is BE there for them, be there to help them, be there to guide them when they need us. The best way to teach out kids how to be and act responsible, respectful, kind, and loving is to model that behavior. Treat your children kindly, loving, respectful & responsibly; they will “learn” that is the way to act toward others.
BUSTED!

Myth #5 I was spanked and disciplined as a child and I didn’t turn out so bad.

Well, I’m sure if you are reading this Transforming Family E-Zine you are probably right…you did not turn out so bad…lol! Yet, if you look deeply, was your relationship with your parents damaged by being harshly disciplined by them. Do you find yourself harshly disciplining your children; then feeling badly wishing you had better parenting skills?
PLAUSIBLE? NO… BUSTED!

Myths about Marriage & Family:

Myth #5 – Happily Ever After. Things should be easier than this.

The truth about relationships is there is a certain amount of “work” that goes into them. So the idea that we fall in love with our husband or babies and everything is “happily ever after…is just hoo-haa! Yep…that’s what I just said HOO-HAA! What a real happy marriage/family looks like is a group of people coming together in a common goal. Willingness to look at one another as being perfect humans in the mist of all our challenges. Being willing to do whatever personal development is necessary to be the best Mom, Dad or kids you can be. Are you willing to do what ever it takes to have the family of your dreams??
BUSTED!

Many of the myths I have talked about come up in one way or another while working with my coaching clients, if you are someone who could relate to one or more of these myths and are ready to change your thinking from BUSTED to CONFIRMED, you are ready to join one of my coaching programs!

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Have you ever noticed that people will spend money to make money? Thousands…probably millions are spent on get rich quick schemes everyday! Yet, very rarely do people make millions. Why do you think people are often unwilling to spend money on what everyone says is the most important thing in their lives…their family? Now…just go with me here…what would a get rich quick scheme look like for you when it comes to your family life?

Picture this…your husband (or wife) calls you midday and asks you out on a romantic date that night. He has planned everything, right down to the trusted babysitter. Is that hitting the jackpot as far as family life goes?? Or maybe it’s more like this for you…you have a wonderful family dinner together that everyone pitched in to make.  You laugh and tell stories about your day while making dinner with your kids. Everyone happily sits down together for dinner and afterwards everyone is willing to clean up without a fuss. Next the kids take off to do homework or watch TV and you and your spouse enjoy a quiet evening without any big disturbances. OK is that making a million in family life??

You see where I am going with all this…you really can have the million dollar family! Yet just like making millions…it’s gonna take some “work”. It may even cost some $$. Is your family worth it? Are you willing to do what it takes?  I know for a fact your million dollar family is right there in front of you…waiting to break the bank open so to speak! How do I know this? It is my experience! I have experienced living a poor family life first hand and I know what it takes to make it a Million!

I took my over-tired, angry, frustrated, feeling unloved and unappreciated Self from rags to riches! No, I do not literally mean monetarily. I am talking about spiritually! I am talking about being willing to do what it takes to turn things around, to have the motivation to Transform My Family. I had it 10 years ago and I have it today…the motivation that is! Are there things in your life that you know need to change? Do the same challenges come up day after day? If you answered, YES! Why not let me help you? What holds you back? The usual reasons are time and finances. I have answers for both…lol! Time is not a problem. I can schedule appointments in the evening, weekend or during nap time. I am a mother who understands interruptions. So if you’re a stay at home mom who thinks she can’t talk on the phone with me, I have worked with many moms that would tell you otherwise. When it comes to money…let me tell you…I am SO worth it! If you need proof, I have it! Just ask. Also, I offer the best Transformational Coaching Programs out there!

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